Dlm flight tu.... saye tgk awk nangis je....
saye pjuk awk.... saye tahu... dlm situasi skrang nie....
awk hny ade saye.... jd.... saye kna brusaha.. xkighe ape y blaku....
saye kna lndungi awk...
xkire.... skirenye saye kna korbnkan nyawa saye....
saye sggp lakukannye... demi awk n ank kite.....
saye syg korg sume... lbey dari dri saye sdr.....
Dlm sejam lpas tu.... awk da x nangis....
pnerbgn ke US... bkan skejap... lame sgt....
kerap kali awk pg tnds....
'awk nie... byk kali g tnds... xjemu ke....' saye saje usik awk....
' anak abg r nie... asyik buang air je dlm nie...'
'eyh... ank saye sorg ke...' saye tgk awk snyum... xtau r ape y bes dlm tnds tu....
Nanti bile kite smpai kat sane.... kawan lame saye....
Suhaimi... die skrang dok kat situ gak....
ktorg kawan time kat uia tu... die r y ajak saye smbg blaja...
die r y amik kite kat situ....
die jgak r y tlg sewa rmah utk kite... n sgale2nye... die y urskan....
Bile smpai je kat airport.. kite jmpe ng suhaimi tuh....
saye nmpak ade 3,4 org ag kwan die kat sbelah tuh....
kwan die tuh sume org puteh...
bile smpai... saye pluk die... rndu btul ng die.....
lame xjmpe die....
'lan... these r my fren.... this mohd... alan... idris... khadijah n zahra...'
'nice to met u guys....' saye tolak2 awk slow2... suh awk slam ng kwan pompuan die....
maybe awk trgamam kowt... tgk org amerika islam...
Slama smggu kite kat situ.... diorg r y knal2 kan kat kite....
sume tmpt... care nk p kuliah....
kat mane supermarket...
masjd kat mane....
sume tmpat... diorg r y knal kan kat kite......
nie rmah kite....
Bile dah lame kat situ.... awk pn dah biase dgn tmpat tuh....
saye r y lame sket nk biasekan dri... sbb xprnah p oversea.....
tiap kali saye hbs kuliyyah.... saye mst masuk blik....
kdg2 saye tgur awk gitu2 je... sbb sjuk sgt....
then bile masuk blik... saye amik slimut 3,4 helai....
pastu saye pkai bju tebal... then saye nyalakn api kat luar tuh....
saye pn dok kt sbelah api kat ruang tamu tuh....
awk slalu tgk saye... bile awk tgk saye.....
'abang nie... mcm bdak2 r... tgk saye nie... biase je....'
'xksah r awk nk ckap ape pn... saye mcm panda ke... ape ke... saye sjuk nie....'
pdhal mase tu... ptg.. tp mmg sjuk kat US nie....
then awk dtg sbelah saye.....
'baby.. tgk dd nie... sjuk... sian kat dd...' awk ckap2 ng baby kite....
'awk... sjuk... baby.. tolong dd.... dd dah nk beku nie...' saye saje lyan awk...
awk snyum.... n awk dduk sbelah saye....
awk slimutkan saye ag.... awk pluk saye... n awk ckap...
'it s beter now??'
mase tu... saye rase tenang sgt2.... bile saye dipelukan awk....
wlaupn sjuk... saye dah xrase... sbb awk kat sbelah saye....
'yes awk.... i feel better... i luv u honey...'
kdg2 lpas asr... awk ajak saye kluar....
tp sjuk r awk.... saye pn plik.... cane awk boleh nk kluar... maybe awk bosan... kat rmah sorg2....
jd saye tmankan awk jgak....
Slalunye bile kluar berdue2 camtu....
suami r y pluk istri sbb sjuk.... tp kite...
awk y pluk saye... saye asyik mggigil je....
jiran2 kite kat situ.... rmai y muslim....
jd xde mslah r kalau saye bg kbenarn awk kluar sorg2....
skadr tgur sape ng jiran....
sjuk sgt time tuh....
Saye igt ag... mase tuh.... baby kite dah 4blan dah....
prut awk pn dah bsar... smakin shat da....
Bile saye balik saye slalu igt psan ust saye....
spaya slalu bace Quran kat prut istri.... moge2 ank tu dlm prut lg dah dgr ayat2 Allah....
saye slalu bace Quran... saye slalu smayg kat msjd.... wlaupn kna jlan kaki....
saye slallu bgn solat thjud... saye slalu wat awk suke....
sbb saye nk y terbaik utk ank kite....
bg saye... kalau kite nk org y trbaik.....
we've to be the best first....
Bile kndgn awk dah 5 blan... tibe2 saye jd bmbg...
saye pg kat hospital... saye tny kos prubtn kat sini....
kat sini sume bnd lbeh tggi dr Malaysia...
lbeh2 lg kite nie bkan org Amerika... so... byk r y kna byar....
Jd saye tny Suhaimi... kalau2 ade care utk saye cari duit lbey...
then suhaimi bg tau saye... y die ade kwan pompuan... suzanna...
manager bg satu kompani kcil kat sini.... die tu non-muslim...
jd bile saye jmpe ng die... saye trus decide... y saye nk keje ng die...
wlaupn gaji die hny $500 sbulan... tp xcmpur bnd len....
kalau cmpur2 ng len boleh r gaji saye dlm $630 sbulan....
tp bg saye.... tu dah ok.. sbb nie skadar duit tmbahan je....
sbb sbg suami... saye slalu bmbg.. skirenye saye xdpt tggg korg sume....
i want to be a responsible husbnd... n ddy...
Tp slap saye... saye mgaku awk...
saye xbgtau awk... saye tahu awk... saye slah....
saye xbgtau awk... sbb klau awk tahu... mst awk xbg....
slalunye... saye balik pkul 3 ptg...
tp bile dah keje... saye slalu balik pkul 10....
bile awk tny... saye trpaksa tipu awk... maafkan saye awk...
saye slalu ckap... byk keje kuliah....
n sbb awk prcaye kat saye... awk xbyk tny.....
Saye xprasan... y awk da stat curiga ng saye....
awk call suhaimi tnpa pgetahuan saye....
satu malm... saye xtau r... mlm tu... tibe2 miss suzanna tu nk hntr saye balik...
saye xleh nk ckp 'no..' sbb die bos saye.....
ape y pntg skrg nie... aslkan saye dbayar... utk tanggung awk n ank kite naty....
mule saye da xnk... tp xtau knape awk... saye mcm xleh ckp 'no'...
then... bile saye nek kete die.... die ajak p mkan.....
'do u mnd if we go for dnner 4awhile... dun wory... i'll pick e halal restournt...'
saye dah teragak2... tp nk wat cane... die bos saye... lgpn hari nie... saye dpt gaji....
Slalunye saye smpai rmah pkul 10 lbey... tp mlm nie... dkat pkul 12 br saye smpai rmah...
i hope tht u r sleepg right now....
bile saye bkak pntu... skali awk kat dpan tv...
'sape hntr abang td tuh??!!!' nada awk tggi smacm... suare awk xprnah stggi nie bg saye sbelum nie....
saye dah xtau ape.... smbil tgagap2... 'tu.. emm.. kk... kwan sekuliah saye.... knape awk??'
'kwan sekuliah ye... tp plik... xpakai tdg... bkan ke awk amik syariah kan??'
mase tu hny Allah je tau... bdebar hati saye... sbb saye dah tau...
y awk dah tau... y saye tpu awk....
'dulu... abg slalu balik pkul 4... then balik pkul 10 lbey... mlm nie... pkul 12...
xheran r kan... naty saye sorg je kat rmah nie...'
saye pg dkat awk... 'awk... ape awk ckap nie... xkn r saye tgglkan awk...'
'Habis tu!!... skrang abg da pndai tipu saye!!! pastu kluar ng pompouan mane!!'
saye cube tenangkan awk... 'awk.. die tu kwan saye... saye ng die jst buat asgnmnt...'
blum smpat saye hbskan ayt saye... pam!!! awk tmpr saye....
tkejut saye time tu....cermin mate saye jtuh kat lntai....
'abg... abang da pndai tipu saye kan??!!'
'abang ckap abg byk keje kuliyyah... pdhal abg keje!!! abg igt saye xtau ke....
abg xckap spatah pn ng saye psal abg keje!!!
then mlm nie bile abg balik lmbt... ng mat saleh mane!!! abg tipu saye lg....
slame nie... saye mcm org bodoh je kat rmah!! percaye ng kate2 suami...
y xtau kjap ag... ape y die nk tipu saye lg...!!!'
saye tgk awk nagis... saye xsmpai hati....
saye sdeh sgt... sbb saye buat awk mrah....
saye xmrah pn awk tmpar saye.....
'awak... saye mtak maaf.... saye xmksd nk buat awk nangis....'
'tgk nie... saye keje... sbb saye cari nie...' saye kluarkan duit gaji saye... y baru dpt td....
tp awk amik... awk baling duit tu... bertaburan duit tu.... smbil awk ckap kuat2....
'i dont want thisssss!!!!!!!!'
mase tu.. hny Allah je tau... btape luluhnye hati saye....
bile saye ltey keje... cube cr duit lbey utk awk n ank kite....
tp awk xhargai lgsg.. bahkan awk cmpak duit tu.....
saye still xmrahkan awk....
'awak... saye mtak maaf....'
awk trus ckap... 'sory doesn't change anythg...'
trus awk pg masuk blik...
saye tahu slah saye... but give me a chance to explain this.... plz...
Saye xtau nk wat ape...
hny Die y tahu.. btape sdeynye hati saye... bile awk msuk bilik...
air mata saye mgalir.... saye kutip balik duit2 y jath bertaburan tuh.....
'aku slapkah Allah??"
'Slah ke aku nk cr duit lbey utk kluarge aku??'
'aku tahu aku berdosa... sbb kluar berdue2 ng bos aku td....'
'tp Allah... aku cube cr rezki...'
'ampuni dose aku Ya Allah.... hny Kau tmpt aku bergntg....'
'aku dah xde sape2... mlainkan Kau... tolg aku Allah...'
'skirenye aku slah... perbtulkanlah aku.....'
'ampuni dose istri ku... sgghnye die xmgetahui hal sbenarnye....'
Bile saye nk masuk blik... pntu terknci....
'sayang.. bkak pntu plsss... abg nk tkar baju...'
'sayang.... sayang.....
tp awk xlyan saye...
Mlm tu... saye tdo kat luar.... saye pg dpur....
saye tgk ade lauk kat dpur... xsntuh ag...
sdey saye tgk... awk xmkan ag... sbb awk tggu saye..... tp saye....
saye... saye kluar ng pompuan lain....
maafkan saye awk.....
i know... sory doesnt change anythg...
Mlm tu... saye xtdo awk...
saye xleh maafkn dri saye....
saye solat sunat... mtak ampun ng tuhan....
n saye doa agr awk maafkan saye....
sate xmrahkan awk... sbb nie slah saye...
n saye slalu maafkn awk.....
bile da pkul 4... saye cube bkak pntu bilik... tp still kunci...
mase tu saye rase ngantuk sket...
tp saye xnk tdo... sbb saye bmbg awk xkjutkan saye...
Pg tuh... lpas kite solat sbuh berjmaah.... awk xslam ng saye....
awk trus naik katil... awk smbg tdo awk balik...
saye trus amik baju saye... saye gosok sdr....
saye tahu sume nie slah saye... tp... saye pn manusia...
hati saye pn akan trguris awak....
Bile dah nk pkul 7.... saye tahu... y awk xkn wat breakfast...
jd saye trus kluar... sblum saye kluar blik....
saye dgr y awk mcm nagis slow2....
jd saye pg kat katil... saye dok sbelah awk....
saye pgg tgn n prut awk.... tp awk tempis...
'saye xnk tgn org pnipu sntuh ank saye....'
mase tu... saye btul2 trase.... saye xsgaja ckap...
'it hurts me.. when u said tht....'
'saye pn trase bile awk tpu saye.... bile awk kluar ng pompuan lain....
it hurts me too... '
saye xnk gaduh ng awk lg....
'ok... abg tau... abg slah... abg xtrus terang....
abg tau abg slah bile xbgtau awk... y saye keje... tp...'
blum smpat saye hbs ckap... awk da ckap...
'i don't want to knw... it is too late....'
'taak.. abg just nk....' saye cbe jlaskan
'go away...' awk trus potg ckap saye....
saye trase awk... agak trase...
saye trus bgn... saye amik brg saye.... saye trus kluar...
smbil saye kluar... saye ckap... 'it hurts me a lot... so hurts me...'
it hurts me a lot....
Saye rase mrah... cmpur geram n sume bnd saye rase....
saye xtau... xtau nk mrah kat sape...
saye xtau ape y xkna....
bile smpai kat u... saye trlggr sorg pompuan... hbs bku die jatuh...
tp saye wat dek je... saye xckap sory pn....
tp bile jlan 3,4 lgkah... saye rase brslah...
saye pn pusg balik... saye p kat pompuan tu...
'im sory... so sory...'
'it's ok... what happen to u??'
'y miss?? anythg that strange on me??'
'no.. no... sory... i saw u walked wthout direction.. i mean u like have a problm, do u??'
pastu ktorg jlan same2...
saye citer kat die mslah saye....
'normally... when a woman pregnnt a first baby... her emotion is quite high....
sumtimes she never scold anybody... but... bcoz her emotion is not on stable...
she will scold sumone... although her husband... beloved hsbnd....' pompuan tu ckap kat saye....
die smbg ag... 'u've 2 b strong... God is always with people who r always be patient...'
tibe2 ktorg tersrempak ng suhaimi....
'eyh azlan... isma....'
rupe2nye suhaimi knal ng Isma... Isma tu ade r bdak amik bdg psychology kat sini...
ptt r die tahu pasal pompuan...
Saye citer kat suhaimi... sumenye....
die ckap die da thu... sbb td awk call die....
die bgtau y die explain everythg kat awk....
'die cube call ko Lan... tp die ckp xdpt....'
saye pn tgk henst saye... owh ptt r.... henset saye mati....
then sume kwan sekuliah saye dtg... sbb lecture da nk stat....
slalunye ktorg masuk skali....
Faris tny 'y azlan... anythg wanna share with us??'
'yeah... we fren right?? so just tell us.. hmm if we can help.. who knows?? zahra ckap plak...
pastu bile saye citer everythg kat diorg....
diorg mmg baik... diorg suh saye sbar... biase suami istri....
pastu khadjah ckap...'my experince when i wanna to gve birth my first baby....
my emotion is not stable... bcoz... in tht time... i realy2 want my husbnd to be wth me....
azlan... i thnk u've to go back... see ur wife....' khadjah nasihat kat saye....
'but e lctre??'
'dun wory Lan.. we'll tell prof Ibrahim that u've sumthg to do.... he'll understnd bcoz u r international student... dun wory... just leave to us....' Firdaus bgtau kat saye...
'thanx guys... i realy2 apreciate wht u've done to me... only Allah knows... luv u guys...'
Saye cpat2 balik rmah....
mase tu dah pkul 10....
saye xmrah kan awk... tp maafkn saye....
tu klemahn saye... saye trase ng awk....
tp sume tu skejap je... sbb saye tahu....
nie sume slah saye....
maafkan saye awk....
saya sgt sayagkan awk.....
i hope that.... i can see u at home again....
plzz give me one more chance... plz awk....
-------------------------------------------------------
Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I'm in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.
I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.
When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh it's beautiful.
Everything is clear to me
'till I hit reality
and I lose it all...
I lose it all...
I lose it all.
I lose it all...
You're the only reason,
Yeah, you're the only reason I'm trying,
Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying,
Don't want to lose it all,
Don't want to lose it all,
I'm trying, I'm trying..
I'm trying ...
Yeah, you know I'm addicted,
You know I'm addicted,
Yeah, you know I'm addicted....
saye pjuk awk.... saye tahu... dlm situasi skrang nie....
awk hny ade saye.... jd.... saye kna brusaha.. xkighe ape y blaku....
saye kna lndungi awk...
xkire.... skirenye saye kna korbnkan nyawa saye....
saye sggp lakukannye... demi awk n ank kite.....
saye syg korg sume... lbey dari dri saye sdr.....
Dlm sejam lpas tu.... awk da x nangis....
pnerbgn ke US... bkan skejap... lame sgt....
kerap kali awk pg tnds....
'awk nie... byk kali g tnds... xjemu ke....' saye saje usik awk....
' anak abg r nie... asyik buang air je dlm nie...'
'eyh... ank saye sorg ke...' saye tgk awk snyum... xtau r ape y bes dlm tnds tu....
Nanti bile kite smpai kat sane.... kawan lame saye....
Suhaimi... die skrang dok kat situ gak....
ktorg kawan time kat uia tu... die r y ajak saye smbg blaja...
die r y amik kite kat situ....
die jgak r y tlg sewa rmah utk kite... n sgale2nye... die y urskan....
Bile smpai je kat airport.. kite jmpe ng suhaimi tuh....
saye nmpak ade 3,4 org ag kwan die kat sbelah tuh....
kwan die tuh sume org puteh...
bile smpai... saye pluk die... rndu btul ng die.....
lame xjmpe die....
'lan... these r my fren.... this mohd... alan... idris... khadijah n zahra...'
'nice to met u guys....' saye tolak2 awk slow2... suh awk slam ng kwan pompuan die....
maybe awk trgamam kowt... tgk org amerika islam...
Slama smggu kite kat situ.... diorg r y knal2 kan kat kite....
sume tmpt... care nk p kuliah....
kat mane supermarket...
masjd kat mane....
sume tmpat... diorg r y knal kan kat kite......
nie rmah kite....Bile dah lame kat situ.... awk pn dah biase dgn tmpat tuh....
saye r y lame sket nk biasekan dri... sbb xprnah p oversea.....
tiap kali saye hbs kuliyyah.... saye mst masuk blik....
kdg2 saye tgur awk gitu2 je... sbb sjuk sgt....
then bile masuk blik... saye amik slimut 3,4 helai....
pastu saye pkai bju tebal... then saye nyalakn api kat luar tuh....
saye pn dok kt sbelah api kat ruang tamu tuh....
awk slalu tgk saye... bile awk tgk saye.....
'abang nie... mcm bdak2 r... tgk saye nie... biase je....'
'xksah r awk nk ckap ape pn... saye mcm panda ke... ape ke... saye sjuk nie....'
pdhal mase tu... ptg.. tp mmg sjuk kat US nie....
then awk dtg sbelah saye.....
'baby.. tgk dd nie... sjuk... sian kat dd...' awk ckap2 ng baby kite....
'awk... sjuk... baby.. tolong dd.... dd dah nk beku nie...' saye saje lyan awk...
awk snyum.... n awk dduk sbelah saye....
awk slimutkan saye ag.... awk pluk saye... n awk ckap...
'it s beter now??'
mase tu... saye rase tenang sgt2.... bile saye dipelukan awk....
wlaupn sjuk... saye dah xrase... sbb awk kat sbelah saye....
'yes awk.... i feel better... i luv u honey...'
kdg2 lpas asr... awk ajak saye kluar....
tp sjuk r awk.... saye pn plik.... cane awk boleh nk kluar... maybe awk bosan... kat rmah sorg2....
jd saye tmankan awk jgak....
Slalunye bile kluar berdue2 camtu....
suami r y pluk istri sbb sjuk.... tp kite...
awk y pluk saye... saye asyik mggigil je....
jiran2 kite kat situ.... rmai y muslim....
jd xde mslah r kalau saye bg kbenarn awk kluar sorg2....
skadr tgur sape ng jiran....
sjuk sgt time tuh....Saye igt ag... mase tuh.... baby kite dah 4blan dah....
prut awk pn dah bsar... smakin shat da....
Bile saye balik saye slalu igt psan ust saye....
spaya slalu bace Quran kat prut istri.... moge2 ank tu dlm prut lg dah dgr ayat2 Allah....
saye slalu bace Quran... saye slalu smayg kat msjd.... wlaupn kna jlan kaki....
saye slallu bgn solat thjud... saye slalu wat awk suke....
sbb saye nk y terbaik utk ank kite....
bg saye... kalau kite nk org y trbaik.....
we've to be the best first....
Bile kndgn awk dah 5 blan... tibe2 saye jd bmbg...
saye pg kat hospital... saye tny kos prubtn kat sini....
kat sini sume bnd lbeh tggi dr Malaysia...
lbeh2 lg kite nie bkan org Amerika... so... byk r y kna byar....
Jd saye tny Suhaimi... kalau2 ade care utk saye cari duit lbey...
then suhaimi bg tau saye... y die ade kwan pompuan... suzanna...
manager bg satu kompani kcil kat sini.... die tu non-muslim...
jd bile saye jmpe ng die... saye trus decide... y saye nk keje ng die...
wlaupn gaji die hny $500 sbulan... tp xcmpur bnd len....
kalau cmpur2 ng len boleh r gaji saye dlm $630 sbulan....
tp bg saye.... tu dah ok.. sbb nie skadar duit tmbahan je....
sbb sbg suami... saye slalu bmbg.. skirenye saye xdpt tggg korg sume....
i want to be a responsible husbnd... n ddy...
Tp slap saye... saye mgaku awk...
saye xbgtau awk... saye tahu awk... saye slah....
saye xbgtau awk... sbb klau awk tahu... mst awk xbg....
slalunye... saye balik pkul 3 ptg...
tp bile dah keje... saye slalu balik pkul 10....
bile awk tny... saye trpaksa tipu awk... maafkan saye awk...
saye slalu ckap... byk keje kuliah....
n sbb awk prcaye kat saye... awk xbyk tny.....
Saye xprasan... y awk da stat curiga ng saye....
awk call suhaimi tnpa pgetahuan saye....
satu malm... saye xtau r... mlm tu... tibe2 miss suzanna tu nk hntr saye balik...
saye xleh nk ckp 'no..' sbb die bos saye.....
ape y pntg skrg nie... aslkan saye dbayar... utk tanggung awk n ank kite naty....
mule saye da xnk... tp xtau knape awk... saye mcm xleh ckp 'no'...
then... bile saye nek kete die.... die ajak p mkan.....
'do u mnd if we go for dnner 4awhile... dun wory... i'll pick e halal restournt...'
saye dah teragak2... tp nk wat cane... die bos saye... lgpn hari nie... saye dpt gaji....
Slalunye saye smpai rmah pkul 10 lbey... tp mlm nie... dkat pkul 12 br saye smpai rmah...
i hope tht u r sleepg right now....
bile saye bkak pntu... skali awk kat dpan tv...
'sape hntr abang td tuh??!!!' nada awk tggi smacm... suare awk xprnah stggi nie bg saye sbelum nie....
saye dah xtau ape.... smbil tgagap2... 'tu.. emm.. kk... kwan sekuliah saye.... knape awk??'
'kwan sekuliah ye... tp plik... xpakai tdg... bkan ke awk amik syariah kan??'
mase tu hny Allah je tau... bdebar hati saye... sbb saye dah tau...
y awk dah tau... y saye tpu awk....
'dulu... abg slalu balik pkul 4... then balik pkul 10 lbey... mlm nie... pkul 12...
xheran r kan... naty saye sorg je kat rmah nie...'
saye pg dkat awk... 'awk... ape awk ckap nie... xkn r saye tgglkan awk...'
'Habis tu!!... skrang abg da pndai tipu saye!!! pastu kluar ng pompouan mane!!'
saye cube tenangkan awk... 'awk.. die tu kwan saye... saye ng die jst buat asgnmnt...'
blum smpat saye hbskan ayt saye... pam!!! awk tmpr saye....
tkejut saye time tu....cermin mate saye jtuh kat lntai....
'abg... abang da pndai tipu saye kan??!!'
'abang ckap abg byk keje kuliyyah... pdhal abg keje!!! abg igt saye xtau ke....
abg xckap spatah pn ng saye psal abg keje!!!
then mlm nie bile abg balik lmbt... ng mat saleh mane!!! abg tipu saye lg....
slame nie... saye mcm org bodoh je kat rmah!! percaye ng kate2 suami...
y xtau kjap ag... ape y die nk tipu saye lg...!!!'
saye tgk awk nagis... saye xsmpai hati....
saye sdeh sgt... sbb saye buat awk mrah....
saye xmrah pn awk tmpar saye.....
'awak... saye mtak maaf.... saye xmksd nk buat awk nangis....'
'tgk nie... saye keje... sbb saye cari nie...' saye kluarkan duit gaji saye... y baru dpt td....
tp awk amik... awk baling duit tu... bertaburan duit tu.... smbil awk ckap kuat2....
'i dont want thisssss!!!!!!!!'
mase tu.. hny Allah je tau... btape luluhnye hati saye....
bile saye ltey keje... cube cr duit lbey utk awk n ank kite....
tp awk xhargai lgsg.. bahkan awk cmpak duit tu.....
saye still xmrahkan awk....
'awak... saye mtak maaf....'
awk trus ckap... 'sory doesn't change anythg...'
trus awk pg masuk blik...
saye tahu slah saye... but give me a chance to explain this.... plz...Saye xtau nk wat ape...
hny Die y tahu.. btape sdeynye hati saye... bile awk msuk bilik...
air mata saye mgalir.... saye kutip balik duit2 y jath bertaburan tuh.....
'aku slapkah Allah??"
'Slah ke aku nk cr duit lbey utk kluarge aku??'
'aku tahu aku berdosa... sbb kluar berdue2 ng bos aku td....'
'tp Allah... aku cube cr rezki...'
'ampuni dose aku Ya Allah.... hny Kau tmpt aku bergntg....'
'aku dah xde sape2... mlainkan Kau... tolg aku Allah...'
'skirenye aku slah... perbtulkanlah aku.....'
'ampuni dose istri ku... sgghnye die xmgetahui hal sbenarnye....'
Bile saye nk masuk blik... pntu terknci....
'sayang.. bkak pntu plsss... abg nk tkar baju...'
'sayang.... sayang.....
tp awk xlyan saye...
Mlm tu... saye tdo kat luar.... saye pg dpur....
saye tgk ade lauk kat dpur... xsntuh ag...
sdey saye tgk... awk xmkan ag... sbb awk tggu saye..... tp saye....
saye... saye kluar ng pompuan lain....
maafkan saye awk.....
i know... sory doesnt change anythg...Mlm tu... saye xtdo awk...
saye xleh maafkn dri saye....
saye solat sunat... mtak ampun ng tuhan....
n saye doa agr awk maafkan saye....
sate xmrahkan awk... sbb nie slah saye...
n saye slalu maafkn awk.....
bile da pkul 4... saye cube bkak pntu bilik... tp still kunci...
mase tu saye rase ngantuk sket...
tp saye xnk tdo... sbb saye bmbg awk xkjutkan saye...
Pg tuh... lpas kite solat sbuh berjmaah.... awk xslam ng saye....
awk trus naik katil... awk smbg tdo awk balik...
saye trus amik baju saye... saye gosok sdr....
saye tahu sume nie slah saye... tp... saye pn manusia...
hati saye pn akan trguris awak....
Bile dah nk pkul 7.... saye tahu... y awk xkn wat breakfast...
jd saye trus kluar... sblum saye kluar blik....
saye dgr y awk mcm nagis slow2....
jd saye pg kat katil... saye dok sbelah awk....
saye pgg tgn n prut awk.... tp awk tempis...
'saye xnk tgn org pnipu sntuh ank saye....'
mase tu... saye btul2 trase.... saye xsgaja ckap...
'it hurts me.. when u said tht....'
'saye pn trase bile awk tpu saye.... bile awk kluar ng pompuan lain....
it hurts me too... '
saye xnk gaduh ng awk lg....
'ok... abg tau... abg slah... abg xtrus terang....
abg tau abg slah bile xbgtau awk... y saye keje... tp...'
blum smpat saye hbs ckap... awk da ckap...
'i don't want to knw... it is too late....'
'taak.. abg just nk....' saye cbe jlaskan
'go away...' awk trus potg ckap saye....
saye trase awk... agak trase...
saye trus bgn... saye amik brg saye.... saye trus kluar...
smbil saye kluar... saye ckap... 'it hurts me a lot... so hurts me...'
it hurts me a lot....Saye rase mrah... cmpur geram n sume bnd saye rase....
saye xtau... xtau nk mrah kat sape...
saye xtau ape y xkna....
bile smpai kat u... saye trlggr sorg pompuan... hbs bku die jatuh...
tp saye wat dek je... saye xckap sory pn....
tp bile jlan 3,4 lgkah... saye rase brslah...
saye pn pusg balik... saye p kat pompuan tu...
'im sory... so sory...'
'it's ok... what happen to u??'
'y miss?? anythg that strange on me??'
'no.. no... sory... i saw u walked wthout direction.. i mean u like have a problm, do u??'
pastu ktorg jlan same2...
saye citer kat die mslah saye....
'normally... when a woman pregnnt a first baby... her emotion is quite high....
sumtimes she never scold anybody... but... bcoz her emotion is not on stable...
she will scold sumone... although her husband... beloved hsbnd....' pompuan tu ckap kat saye....
die smbg ag... 'u've 2 b strong... God is always with people who r always be patient...'
tibe2 ktorg tersrempak ng suhaimi....
'eyh azlan... isma....'
rupe2nye suhaimi knal ng Isma... Isma tu ade r bdak amik bdg psychology kat sini...
ptt r die tahu pasal pompuan...
Saye citer kat suhaimi... sumenye....
die ckap die da thu... sbb td awk call die....
die bgtau y die explain everythg kat awk....
'die cube call ko Lan... tp die ckp xdpt....'
saye pn tgk henst saye... owh ptt r.... henset saye mati....
then sume kwan sekuliah saye dtg... sbb lecture da nk stat....
slalunye ktorg masuk skali....
Faris tny 'y azlan... anythg wanna share with us??'
'yeah... we fren right?? so just tell us.. hmm if we can help.. who knows?? zahra ckap plak...
pastu bile saye citer everythg kat diorg....
diorg mmg baik... diorg suh saye sbar... biase suami istri....
pastu khadjah ckap...'my experince when i wanna to gve birth my first baby....
my emotion is not stable... bcoz... in tht time... i realy2 want my husbnd to be wth me....
azlan... i thnk u've to go back... see ur wife....' khadjah nasihat kat saye....
'but e lctre??'
'dun wory Lan.. we'll tell prof Ibrahim that u've sumthg to do.... he'll understnd bcoz u r international student... dun wory... just leave to us....' Firdaus bgtau kat saye...
'thanx guys... i realy2 apreciate wht u've done to me... only Allah knows... luv u guys...'
Saye cpat2 balik rmah....
mase tu dah pkul 10....
saye xmrah kan awk... tp maafkn saye....
tu klemahn saye... saye trase ng awk....
tp sume tu skejap je... sbb saye tahu....
nie sume slah saye....
maafkan saye awk....
saya sgt sayagkan awk.....
i hope that.... i can see u at home again....
plzz give me one more chance... plz awk....-------------------------------------------------------
Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I'm in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.
I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.
When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh it's beautiful.
Everything is clear to me
'till I hit reality
and I lose it all...
I lose it all...
I lose it all.
I lose it all...
You're the only reason,
Yeah, you're the only reason I'm trying,
Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying,
Don't want to lose it all,
Don't want to lose it all,
I'm trying, I'm trying..
I'm trying ...
Yeah, you know I'm addicted,
You know I'm addicted,
Yeah, you know I'm addicted....
*bersambung
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